I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drunk is not a location!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize