i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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