I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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