He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
two words...techno handjob
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
