Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
