Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
