she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize