So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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