I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
