About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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