Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
