had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
