I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
