tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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