A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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