I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
