ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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