3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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