I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
