she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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