Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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