Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
