Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
