Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
