At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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