Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize