I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize
