we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
