my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
