Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
