using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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