Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
