youre lurking in front of me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
