it was like his penis was on wheels.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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