so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
