Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
