im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
