I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
