Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
