Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
