this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This house was built for laser tag.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
