Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
