if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
