Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize