pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize