There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
