I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
