If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize