She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
