with your own penis?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
