You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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