we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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