Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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