i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
