My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
