I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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