I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's blow job season.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
