My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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