I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
