There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
