i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
