omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Boobs are out for the taking
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
