You just made me feel so damn special
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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