I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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