is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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