I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
