Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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