i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
