First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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