Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
