and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
