the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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