my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
