goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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