the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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