Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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