Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
