That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
