I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
