aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
