So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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