How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
