Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
