He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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