Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize