Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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