Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So apparently I’m into choking now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
