She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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