I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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