We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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