How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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