dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
