the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize