She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
