He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
