That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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