I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
