let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
