I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
