Your mouth is God's brothel.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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