scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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