Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What a dumb baby whore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
