AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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