i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
