she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize