I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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