he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
