I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize