I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
