if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
