I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
