i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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