perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
