Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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