You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
