i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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