Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
