i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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