Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
