can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
