well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize